Some of the deepest and most clear thoughts seem to come to me whilst out on a morning dog walk. This morning I was reflecting on a conversation I had whilst sat on the beach on a lovely day trip to Whitstable.
It was about trauma and whether some traumatic events are worse than others. Naturally being fully immersed in the world of dog it will probably be no surprise to anyone that knows me that the question that came to mind is the level of trauma experienced when losing a furry family member and the view that some have that it can’t ever compare to the loss of a human family member.
I am conscious that I am fortunate to not have experienced some of the deepest traumas that might sit high on a “ranking table”, though I do know the loss of dogs that I absolutely loved deeply. These experiences have without doubt shaped my life and what I’ve ended up doing for a living, helping others to have a memory of their lost loved ones.
I’m certainly not going to argue that losing a dog is worse than losing a human, but trauma and pain is a deeply personal experience and so who is to say to someone that the pain they are experiencing is any less than someone else’s? For example, to a lady that has no children and now has to say goodbye to her beloved pug that has been at her side constantly and loved her unconditionally for the last 14 years?
On reflection I think the idea that there is a ranking table of trauma leaves me feeling a little uneasy. Does this table that we might have engrained in our mind lead to a judgment of other peoples experience; are they feeling too much pain or too little even? Shouldn’t we just be compassionate to all trauma?
Why does this feel important to me? I guess because I can see a wider pattern and link to individuals or even countries justifying horrible acts against others because of trauma they have undoubtedly experienced in the past. The ultimate vicious cycle!
It feels to me that dealing with any and all trauma with compassion is key to breaking the vicious cycle, bringing back balance to our world and maintaining a healthy environment for all people and creatures to coexist in. For my part I’d like to continue my work in the hope that it makes some contribution to this, no matter how small.